Dark Angel's Daughter of Messterpiece Theatre

**Darkest Angel** · January 19th, 2005, 06:30 PM

Yes, its that time once again, and no, it has nothing whatsoever with attempting to compete with Jor and his marathon of reviews...*cough*. Anyway, I have had the (mis?)fortune of primarily viewing films that I actually liked of late, which tends to curtail snide reviews. Still, I did come across a real gem of a sci-fi/musical/action/comedy in Wal-Mart's dollar day sales bins, and if you think that sci-fi, musical, action, and comedy don't go together...you are absolutely right.

The film in question is tellingly titled "Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla", and therefore starts off with a white lie: Bela plays Dr. Zabor, and he makes a gorilla out of a very, very poor actor with a very, very bad singing voice who is attempting to emulate Dean Martin. Badly.

In a nutshell, a pair of 'entertainers' fall out of a plane(!) on their way to a USO show and land on the small island of Kola Kola. Get it? "Kola-Cola"? They hammer mercilessly at it throughout the film, deathly afaid that someone, somewhere in the audience might not understand. Sigh. The film opens as the natives of Cola-Cola discover the pair, who inexplicably survived their impromptu landing and somehow went through a timewarp in the process, judging by their years-grown false beards and tattered clothing. The natives gibber and gabble at one another, the message clearly being that the masked witch doctor of the tribe wants to kill the pair, whilst the comely Princess demands that they be spared. The comely Princess wins, much to the despair of the viewers, who came oh-so-close to being spared the next 45 or so minutes of stupid.

Alas.

In any case, the natives clean the tramps up, and lo and behold, they are none other than up-and-never-got-anywhere performers Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo ("acting" under their own names), whose main claim to fame seems to have been doing extraordinarily bad impressions of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis, respectively (according to one online source, Lewis actually sued Petrillo, which is quite understandable, as his knockoff of Lewis' shtick very, very nearly bumps this film into the horror genre, as well). Anyway, the comely Princess apparently speaks and reads English as well as Kola Kola gibber, mistakes the name of the clothing company inside one of the traveler's jackets as being one of their names, and not-quite hilarity ensues. Lame as that joke was, it becomes even more nonsensical when the Princess explains to Mitchell that she went to college in the U.S. One shudders to think what she studied there.

The story lags as Princess' fat sister develops a crush on Petrillo and Mitchell "sings" a song to the tribe. We use the word "sings" so loosely as to obliterate its intended meaning utterly. No kidding, kids, this guy's voice actually makes me want to kill puppies...more than usual.

Eventually, Princess decides that the pair should meet Dr. Zabor (Lugosi), whom she works for (after all, she is a college-educated Princess, despite not understanding the concept of clothing manufacturers), and whom can help them get off the island. True enough, Zabor tells them that a ship comes by once a month, although it would seem that, on a small island, they really didn't need Bela Lugosi to tell them this. In any case, Zabor grows jealous of the budding relationship between Princess and Mitchell, and so turns Mitchell into the gorilla of the title. A gorilla...who still sings.

Badly.

Still.

Some other stuff happens, everyone figures out Zabor's not-particularly vile plot, and Zabor shoots Petrillo.

Gods, how I wish it stopped right there--that scene alone could have saved the whole picture, had it just stopped there.

Again, alas.

Petrillo awakens in the dressing room of a nightclub, and much like Dorothy back in Kansas, is confused and amazed to meet all the folks from his dream working and performing in the club. Original. We hammer the last nail in the coffin by closing the film with yet another turn at the microphone by Mitchell, who can sing no better in reality than he could in Petrillo's dream.

The End.

Poor Bela. Poor, poor Bela.

Hula Thumbs, primarily for the fat chick in the grass skirt.

<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ January 19, 2005 02:31 PM: Message edited by: -Dark Angel- ]</font>

**Joranthalus** · January 19th, 2005, 06:39 PM

Excellent!!!

I've got that one but haven't gotten around to watching it yet...

So many movies like that though, in a hazy way (which is how i remember watching all the movies i see) i feel like i've already seen it... still, sounds like a must-watch!

And yeah, Bela... luckily Bela was able to redeem himself at the end starring in Ed Wood's gems and kicking heroin... Ironically, after Bela's departure, it was Wood who started making bad movies and abusing chemicals... am i digressing? [img]smile.gif[/img]